Order of Operations

I just ate some tacos at my desk.

Congratulations, you just bought three tacos! Today is going to be great.

You’ve diversified your portfolio, with slow cooked pork, fried chicken, and tofu falafel. (You were “doing the right thing” by getting one veggie option.)

The question remains, how will you eat said tacos?!

Before we can evaluate our potential methods, first we must qualify our options.

Slow Cooked Pork

This one wins on taste (obv), but it does slurp a bit. Still, juicy, saucy, spicy, pork.

KFC

That’s Korean Fried Chicken, by the way. This taco is just one step down from our umami-filled pork, but what it lacks in taste it makes up for in texture.The crisp-fatburst-protein bite is a trifecta that makes this taco a serious contender!

Tofu Falafel

It’s tofu….and falafel! OK, this taco tastes better than it sounds, but let’s face it, ain’t beating out fried chicken or pork. But every drama needs a foil.

So then, shall we begin?

The Child

Most delicious to least delicious. Pork, chicken, falafel.

You have yet to learn the value of delayed gratification. You are either very hungry, or very tired, or it’s a been a long day, or you are five years old, or all of the above.

Look, don’t do it this way. That falafel’s bound to disappoint.

Reverse Psychology

Worst first. And so on.

You progressively work your way through each taco, theoretically appreciating the Tofu Falafel more because you are hungriest when you eat it.

That last pork taco is almost dessert at this point.

The Alternator

You methodically take one bite from each taco, over and over til they are gone.

The Child or Reverse Psychology subroutines will determine your starting point. Maybe go for a Pyramid and go 1-2-3-3-2-1 or 3-2-1-1-2-3.

You are crazy, or maybe German?

The Fry-o-later

You eat the fried tacos first, from deepest fried on down the line.

This method capitalizes on the diminishing returns of cooling fried food, because soggy oily lukewarm flour is terrible.

The Internet Lunch

You sit at your desk, and fire up your tabs. News! Information!

With your left hand on the keyboard, and without looking away from the screen, you reach indiscriminately to the right and grab whatever your hand touches.

Your hands are covered in sauce. Some pork has dripped onto your falafel. Some pork-covered falafel has fallen onto your desk, under your chin. Sometimes you hit the side of the box, or your leftover coffee cup from this morning.

Keyboard shortcuts that require two hands are really dangerous.

You finally make it down to the last tweet you read on the toilet this morning—you’re all caught up!

Oh, sad internet. Please take a real lunch break.